Letter to my younger self.

I would say have more patience. Times are testing. The rain feels foreign but you are where you wanted to be. The birds sing a song I don’t recognize and I miss home. Mom and dad are really proud of you. They make sure to call and tell me how much they love me. Though I could never figure out why. I still carry the same feeling you have where I don’t feel I have achieved much. I am surprised when someone says they love me as I do not understand love. I haven’t yet found out what it really means. 

Although I have learned to love myself and no longer yearn for others affection, and I have come back to how you are, but I am still far from the content you feel right now. You have something beautiful which I lost. Kiss that girl you meet in your hostel in London. Tell that guy you have a crush on him. Let that guy flirt with you over beer. Tell that girl you like her. I would say fall in love even if it will rob you of your peace. Let them love you but do not falter and believe you mean everything to them. 

Yes you own a house now and yes you have that car. You even went to Japan, the way you always dreamed. That should bring a smile to your face. I would not change anything. I would still live the life you have lived as I think its an amazing life. I don’t regret anything. My only grief is that I don’t feel at home. Every morning I feel like a distant land is calling my name. That is all I have to say for today. If I could bring these words to you, I know you would never listen to me anyway.