I don't know

I'm sitting on the window pane wondering if you miss me like I miss you, whether your cheeks get warm like mine and then slither with tears, I can hear your laughter and see your funny faces, my bed feels empty and my arms feel hollow, if only I could be with you and hug you while we watch the sunset, slowly walk as the breeze made you hug me, I miss your wet kisses waking up to your face, someone nudging me as I concentrating more to work, no one asks me if I should have lunch or dinner, no one to go to movies and sleep in between as you held my hand, no one to sit with me on my couch as we watch TV and then I get up to make tea, I don't feel like drinking coffee anymore as the smell reminds me of you, no one to go home with or fight with the cab for 10 bucks less, the more steps I take towards you the farther you run away, I will have to die it seems to be born again and look for you, no one to talk childishly with me, my heart feels heavy and empty, I had thought once I will kill myself but the thought of giving you grief did not allow me, every day I see your smiling faces as they flash in front of me, I miss your leg on me as I pushed it back, I miss your snores in my ears as you breathed on my cheeks, I miss your lips on my neck, I miss your hands on me, I miss you in my arms, I feel like burning the world some times so that it can feel my pain, then it seems nothing satisfies me but only your love, I know we are meant to be together as my love grows evey day, but I fear you will stop loving me, I get insecure and then I don't know what to do as I feel helpless, my loneliness makes me more lonely as my emptiness grows in a crowd, I feel nothing some times and sometimes I feel overwhelmed, I forget things, today I forgot I was holding tea and dropped it, and it didn't matter to me, I don't want you to feel worried so I don't msg you, it's no point cause you are not here and cannot do anything, I wish you had not chosen to go so far away, then I feel I have only caused you trouble, I messed up your life, you were and are happy with him and I'm no one, I should just go away and let you be happy, but the thought of losing you makes me die a thousand times, and I lay in my bed motionless waiting for time to kill me.