Mask of love

written so much after a long time! hope you enjoy the reading without minding the grammar glitches :)

The crumpled paper was still clenched in his fist as the tears dint stop rolling down the cheeks. It was more a mass of wet paper as the pieces melted away through the hand. What he was holding on to was nothing but empty promises which he still believed he had but the truth had burnt the dreams as they washed away in the drain. Looking up in the sky the clouds roared as the storm approached the one outside quite similar to the one inside him. The drops of rain trickled down his neck as they mingled with the salty ones from his eyes; all he could see now was hazy as the world seemed to swirl around him like a whirlpool. He swayed his way to the sidewalk as he fell on the pavement of his house with knees too weak to walk any further. Everything seemed to rewind over and over in his head as things became darker and the lightening of reality fired straight into his heart.

Just few moments ago everything was so calm and clear. The future was sure and they had decided to get married. He had been standing behind her at the window, gazing at the stars. Slipping his fingers gently to her waist as the fingers slipped on to feel her stomach and hold her closer to him. He felt her tremble with his touch melting in his hold. The tighter he held her the more she smothered. She had then given a soft push of her head into his chest to tell him that he should not tease her more. His lips went closer to her ears as he breath into her neck and had asked her, ’marry me’’. What followed were a consenting embrace and a long sweet kiss. Holding her in his arms his world seemed complete like he didn’t need anything else. It felt like nothing could touch him.

How many times she told him she loved him like it was a maddening song of a bee buzzing around the first flower of the season. It was a crazy affair like a fire that burnt within and the longing for the other was never over. Whenever they were together they would just lay around for hours in each other’s arms, saying nothing just enjoying the peaceful embrace. When he was with her he never thought of pending work, or people it seemed like all the worries had suddenly vanished and his life was a heaven on earth.

Parting with her had always been difficult. He clenched her in his arms holding tight and telling her not to cry, that he will be back soon and it is not like he is going away forever. When on his way in the car, the tears wouldn’t stop. All the courage he showed her melted away as the hurt he felt to go far away came out remembering her smiling face. She urged him to come back soon, that she could not live without him and it was too hard to live without him.

And then the day came when he returned to be with her forever. He decided he would leave his job and live with her forever. Walking his way to her house he picked up some flowers to match up to her smiling face as she greeted him in this long awaited reunion. Her face flashed in front of him and he could not help smiling as the passer-by’s watched him and wondered what was wrong with him. The travel seemed to take longer than ever and time seemed to go slower. It was like the whole universe had slowed everything up as he reassured himself that she will not be angry for him being late. Oh but she had been so happy when he told her he was coming back, she had almost broken down on phone as she told him how much she loved him. Of course she would be happy, no way for her to be angry.

As he took the steps towards her door all the moments flashed back. Right from the time he had first met her, their first kiss which had been a disaster as they had both been so nervous, how her fingers went through his hair caressing his head as he fell asleep like he had been drugged, to the time they had last parted, oh how much she had cried and how much he missed her!

Before he could knock on the door he heard a loud crash like something broke inside. His heart sank as all kinds of horrid thoughts crossed his mind, he could hear someone talking inside. Maybe it was a robbery? Was she in trouble? Should I call the police or maybe break in the door? But that would be dangerous for her! Unable to decide he went back and forth until he thought it would be safer to jump in through the window, she always kept it open. Stupid her! She always believed no one will come through there. He went up to her window and his eyes froze as his legs startled feeling weak. It was almost like he could not believe his eyes. All kind of emotions jumbled up within him. He felt rage, anger, hurt, loss, and uncontrolled emptiness. It was like something ate him from inside.

His eyes blinked to assure that what he saw was true or just a dream, a horrible dream! She was lying in the bed with another man as they exchanged sweet passionate moments together. His world crashed and he fell to the ground, his head hit the ground hard and it felt like all the burden of the world had suddenly rested on his eyes until he was unable to hold back and broke out in silent sobs. What a loser! He felt like he had lost his hope, desires, wishes and even himself. But this was not a time to mourn, it was time for decisions. He had been cheated on and lied to and wanted to know what in the world had he not given her that she had to go out and do it behind his back. Couldn’t she have just told him not to ever come back?

He dragged his foot to her door and slammed his hands on the door with eyes full of rage. His body still felt too heavy for him but he mustered up some courage to bear few more minutes. She opened the door chuckling away in her robe and froze as she saw him. ‘Oh you came early! I was just getting ready to pick you at the station!’…….’yeah well I thought why call and trouble you so much so I came right away.’ She could sense something was not right as she dipped her eyes in him and said longingly,’ I missed you! Why did you take so long!’ and hugged on to him as his arms hung motionless like he was born without them. She tilted her head and looked at him, ‘What’s wrong?’ staring at his silence she said,’ I love you! You know that don’t you?’

His eyes marked a hollowness which rooted down to his soul. ‘Yes I know. But truth is that I don’t love you anymore and it is best that we stop seeing each other. I came to tell you that it’s over. I have found someone else and I think she is the right one for me. It is best that we do not talk anymore and stay away from each other. I am going far away and will be out of touch. Though if there is an emergency do let me know because I will always care about you as a friend.’ Unable to say anymore as his voice started to crack he gulped down his thoughts and left without saying goodbye. It was best not to look back he thought or god knows how he would be able to leave her ever.

She ran after him trying to stop him and stopped short of the street as her eyes went to the window by her door. There was a bunch of flowers on the ground, her favourite and what he always got for her. And the truth dawned on her as she had no more courage to call out to him. Everything seemed lost forever. Her vanished footsteps were assurance that she knew that he had seen her and whatever he had said was actually not the truth. The deep love in her eyes had taken away all the anger he had for her, not wanting to hurt her anymore he had decided to take all the blame. It was no use blaming her anyway because nothing would ever be the same.

But there was this anger deep within him like a volcano about to erupt and he started to run. He ran and ran until he was almost near his home when his foot hit a block and he landed on the ground again. His face was splashed in the mud as it had started to pour and the raindrops served to cool his head draining his clothes as it washed away all the dirt. He staggered on laughing at his fate. Within moments he had lost something most dear to his heart. His footsteps became heavier and heavier and he was not walking anymore but merely slumbering on even forgetting where he was going to. The rain had made sure that his tears were not visible anymore and clear away his face, but it was unable to calm the storm inside him and the rupture of his delicate heart which lay broken into millions of pieces. He dug into his pockets to take out the note she had sent which said ‘come soon. I will always love you!’

He looked up to question god as to why he had to endure such a fate. Did he do something wrong? Did he not love her enough? Or maybe it was never meant to be. His figure moved on up to the pavement of his house when he could walk no more and dropped down limbless like a dead body ready to be quashed under a hammer. His eyelids closed; exhausted he was lost in his darkness. It felt like he was falling in a dark hole. Drenched and muddy he sat for a while outside. Somehow the storm outside related to what he felt. All the feelings he had been so unable to take out seemed to be enacted by nature telling him that it could feel his hurt. He wanted to see the world unfold itself under the stormy weather and wait for the sky to clear again.